How to tell your family you don’t want or need Christmas gifts is on the docket today. Every November, Mark and I email my four daughters to remind them that Mark and I no longer need or want Christmas gifts. I also called them to let them know we were okay with it.
I don’t want them to feel guilty that we are not getting a present under the tree. I’m updating this post because I feel this topic is more essential than ever.
I’ve spent the last few months decluttering my new home, and having more space has been refreshing. We have been in Northern Utah for a little over three years. Building this home was harder than we had anticipated. Thankfully, we have our own space after three years of living with our daughter and son-in-law. We’re happy with the home for the most part, and we are grateful we have a home over our heads, but I do miss swimming in my pool in Southern Utah.
Now that I’m on oxygen 24/7, we probably would have been better off staying at a lower altitude and in a city with cleaner air. But we won’t be able to pack up and move again; we don’t have the energy. So life goes on.
In case you missed this post, Old-Fashioned Vintage Christmas Candy Recipes
Practical Gift, OLight Flashlight, Lanterns, WaterBricks
You Don’t Want or Need Christmas Gifts
Stuff Was Awesome
I used to think the stuff was awesome, but then you get to an age and stage when you realize it doesn’t make you happy. Don’t get me wrong; I love getting up on Christmas morning and watching the grandkids take turns opening presents.
When I was little, I got one present and was thrilled with that one gift. I’m glad my daughters don’t spend money on gifts for their kids at this time of year. They have never gone into debt to buy Christmas stuff, and I’m so proud of them.
I remember when Mark and I were first married, some of the family members on both sides wanted to give gifts to each other. I thought then, “Oh my gosh, we can hardly afford groceries.”
We were putting Mark through college and he was working two or three jobs and I was babysitting kids and ironing clothes for people just to bring in extra money. I also made bread to sell to my neighbors so we could survive.
In 1972, we didn’t know about or didn’t want to use student loans, grants, or low-income housing to make things work out financially for us. I remember a waiting list to live on campus in student housing.
We scraped every penny and bought our first home for $18,400.00. Back then, we were only making a few hundred dollars a month, so we were not rolling in the dough by any means. We both grew up in homes with very little money, so we know how to be frugal.
I remember thinking I didn’t want Christmas gifts; they put too much pressure on me and my budget, and that’s how I feel about my kids and their gifts.
I don’t want Christmas Gifts
My point today is that if you are a young couple, single, or even an older couple on a limited income, you don’t have to spend money to make other people or even yourself happy. One of the best gifts my parents ever received from my family was a handwritten letter expressing our love for them and thanking them for the memories we had shared.
I will never forget the look on my dad’s face when he opened his letter. He started crying joyfully and pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe his tears. My mom also had tears rolling down her face, and her lips trembled as she read her special notes of love.
Here’s the deal: If you want to give a lot of presents and have the means to do so, so be it. But some of us don’t, and I would rather have my daughters pay off their houses or help the grandkids with college expenses than give us or another relative a gift that will end up in the thrift store in a year or two. Does that make sense?
We used to live in a neighborhood with a few people over 70. Some have mentioned that their kids arranged the gift of having someone clean their house once a month. They are in their eighties—what a great gift! The special gift approach doesn’t clutter a house, and who doesn’t love a CLEAN house, right?
It’s hard at first to mention to Aunt Bella that you would rather have a phone call or personal visit from time to time than to exchange checks for each other or gift cards.
I would much rather plan an inexpensive day at the park with friends and family (complete without any mobile devices) or roast marshmallows over an open fire pit in the backyard. We can give handmade letters containing memories we have shared. I promise those are the best gifts.
Start New Traditions
The first year you start a NEW tradition of giving less, or nothing, the easier it is on everyone involved. It was very hard the first year I decided I could no longer give Christmas gifts to my daughters, sons-in-law, and grandkids.
Was it uncomfortable, yes? But I will not use a credit card just to give a gift I can’t afford to give. The funny thing is that my grandchildren didn’t even notice that Mark and I didn’t have a gift for them under the tree.
I realize some people will say, “I HAVE to give something to my grandkids.” I get it, but I can’t. The funny thing is they didn’t even notice.
They know when they come to visit me I will make them Mickey Mouse pancakes and that’s the highlight of their visit. My oldest grandson is 28 and he has to have them because he said I’m the only one that makes them just right.
The Exchange Civic Club
This year, when we attended Mark’s civic club’s Christmas Social, we were asked to bring some socks suitable for teenage youth. The local Children’s Justice Center had expressed the need to provide these to the families they were working with.
Usually, the Exchange Club had a White Elephant gift exchange as part of the social, and although it was fun and generated some laughs, I guess many of those gifts were thrown away or thrifted shortly after the party.
It really gave me a good feeling to know that the small gift of socks we and the others provided would be gratefully received and immediately put to use.
Final Word
Christmas is such a special time of year. We plan company parties, have family gatherings with those we love, and we exchange gifts with all those people who we cherish. There are so many ways to express love this time of year.
If you really think you need to give “something,” consider adding to your family’s food storage or emergency prep inventory. If you have the means, you might also consider taking a trip with family or special friends. What a great opportunity to build memories that will last a lifetime.
As you make your Christmas plans this year, please share the gift of love. Please let your family know if you don’t want or need Christmas gifts. May God Bless this world, Linda
Copyright Images: Gift Pile Depositphotos_91786660_S
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